the plea, its answer, and hope

I do wonder if you have read any of this blog, if you saw the licorice post, and in this moment I need to say that I have been struggling to find the words to express my responses to certain things and my complete lack of eloquence is directly correlated to a new type of awareness as well as living with things I did not realize fully until about 11 days ago. (incidentally, I do sort of find myself comforted by the symbolic repetition of this number in my life now)

Finally, after so long, I am able to access suffering in an entirely different and (seemingly) more complete and real way. Not at all in the sense of self-pity or any self-centered spring-off that it commonly can be and certainly was (which is what had to shift in order to access this awareness). It has shaken me in a way few things have.

The enormity of your suffering took the greatest place in my experience of this awareness. This feeling had multiple manifestations, but the catalyst was my plea to the divine (or whatever entity is appropriate within that scope) to release you from harm - including the residue of harm you still carried that was tied to me. Frankly, I was begging and it began weeks ago. I did so without any expectation for the outcome. I hoped it might act as penance but knew that was even asking for quite a lot.

At the peak of my experience I found out that my plea was answered in a sense (didn't take much investigation so I take no credit whatsoever for any kind of brilliance). I feel such an immense sense of duty to develop that "higher" self, the advocate. I hope someday I can be even one half the advocate, of remotely similar spiritual importance for someone else, as you have been for me. Great efforts toward generosity of spirit and love and all types of care may be returned with indignation, ignorance, blithe self-interest, and outright cruelty. A seal on this lesson, no?

I feel just as out of bounds here as I did writing about the salmiak rocks a week ago (now archived from this blog), but, I have an almost uncontrollable compulsion to write. I can't apologize for that.

I wish you the best on the journey. I know your great goal will be achieved. Hermes never, never, ever gives up.

This is the force of all force, it will overcome everything subtle, and penetrate everything solid.

In this manner, the world was created, but the map of this road is hidden.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Without lie, certain and most true: What is below is like what is above, and what is above is like what is below, to accomplish the miracle of the One thing.

(Hermes Trismigestus - from The Emerald Tablet)

and so this chapter is completed.........