in bloom

first cries. first outing. firsts abound.

there has never been such beauty or truth in the world.
Estella Dauphine. Born 4/15 @ 2:37 a.m.
Not even 24 hours old in this picture.
Already sizing things up.
Joy has new depths and love is boundless.
There is a divinity only newborn babies hold and I am profoundly lucky to be in her presence.

annointed with rose oil

don't forget what that sage told you when her hands were on my belly. she helped clear a path for you. only you know what time is most auspicious to leave your watery bardo for the bright light that awaits us. the moment is eternally etched into me. it has been there, waiting for you to complete it, for much longer than my lifetime.

desire and will do not, in themselves, see obfuscations. it is only the eye wired to anxiety, insecurity, and doubt that allows obstructions to even touch the surface of our strongest intentions. sometimes in trying to see everything, we instead see things that are not there.

when all that's left is the mine shaft

never mind the canary, it's just sleeping. don't tarry, the time has come to face Reality. oh, and it doesn't look anything like you expected. that's the part they always forget to mention.

things are not as solid as they seem. everything can go up in smoke - as if nothing happened at all. the essence is in this moment. tap into the nectar - it's already inside of you, but it can not nourish you until it has been freely given.

track//\\switch

Though it has taken me about twelve years and significant struggle against myself I finally know which direction I need to be moving. It felt like an elemental shift took place last night when I had what is probably one of the most important realizations of my life thus far. It isn't anything new, these stones have been turned over in my mind dozens of times, but there was a wholeness naturally arising from the investigation. I felt peace and elation simultaneously. I can't make excuses for it, I know I have to do it, and I can see the manifold outcomes. It takes me to the end result of every goal I have for myself through a career.

The criteria were:
1) Interpersonal value
2) Extension of existing skillsets
3) Potential for stability and financial solvency
4) Creative application
5) Room for interweaving interests, explicitly or implicitly

Physical therapy. I have considered it very seriously before but now all the signs point in the right direction. I will know that what I am doing is of direct benefit to someone else, it is easily wed to my interest in alternative healing practices, and simply thinking of doing that for the rest of my life brings me joy. At the least, I will be employed as a physical therapy assistant (which only requires an associate's degree) by the time my child starts kindergarten. Hope has returned and fear is diminished.